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Hello! I could be Richard Watson, but what would you say if perhaps I toyed with you a little first and suggested that maybe I wasn't, only to turn on you at the last minute and surprise you with the old counter-double bluff, singlehandedly wrecking your evening and probably everybody else's as well? Well, quite.

It's my birthday. I'm 77. Except I'm not, so there goes that little hilarious shoo-in.

I got eight birthday cards for my birthday in the mail this morning.

As far as I was concerned, this did not constitute a satisfactory quantity of birthday cards for my birthday, so I took the dubious pleasure of taking all of Tim Halbert's birthday cards for his birthday, scribbling out his name and replacing it with my name. This has so far had the desired effect: he's starting to think that perhaps it's not his birthday after all. Good. It isn't. It's MY birthday.

I've also stolen James's limbs because he dances better than me.

Mmm.

I'm Richard Watson. Richard Watson doesn't fight like a hero. Heroes fight like Richard Watson.

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