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Hello! I'm Richard Watson! Also, Richard Watson's cousin!

We have decided that perhaps it would be better not to look at you for the purposes of this timely edition of "Hello! I'm Richard Watson! Also, I'm Richard Watson's cousin!". This is because, well, anything is more interesting than this. We are here, though, in an abstract sort of way. If you pretend we're not here, we'll pretend you're not here. OK? Good.

Tim Halbert is going to London tomorrow to audition for some mindless television programme so we've taken it upon ourselves in his absence to steal his room key and devoid his premises of all inherent valuable items. Most will be defenestrated, some will be sold off to pay for further Chocolate Digestives. Either way, we look forward to capturing the drained facial reaction when he gets back home. It's what we live for.

Also, the oven is broken.

I'm Richard Watson. This is my cousin, Richard Watson's cousin. Only one person has ever gotten past us, and he was a six foot twelve black guy.

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